Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Relationships II

Before I met my fiancĂ© three years ago, I thought I might never have a long term relationship. My longest relationship had been in high school, which -- lasting only nine non-continuous months -- can’t really be characterized as long term. He was my first love, but I was very young and we broke up when I moved away to college. For years after this relationship, I only dated a few people and for no longer than 4 months or so. I was always looking for the next thing and really didn’t want to settle down.

But as I approached thirty, , I started to wonder why I couldn’t find a mate., The question “what is wrong with me?” began to haunt my thoughts. Now, I was not particularly proud of this thought. I am ferociously independent and claimed my singlehood like a badge of honor. But inside I was a hopeless romantic and had always dreamed of the day when I would meet my soul mate. The day I would meet the man who would turn me into the best possible person I could imagine. Looking back, I now know there wasn’t really anything wrong with me. It was my perceptions and attitudes that were keeping me from really connecting with anyone with whom I could build a solid relationship. I didn’t really understand what I wanted in a mate.

Once I began to examine some of the faulty perceptions I had about myself and about relationships, and to understand how I was attracting the exact opposite of what I truly wanted in a mate, my experiences began to change. I became more specific about what I was looking for and offered this vision up to the universe. I became more in tune with what is and is not good for me. I was able to explore relationships I would never have been open to before. Then, it just happened. It wasn’t a magical lightning strike like I thought it would be. It was something that grew with time and nurturing. And it was my choice. It was what I wanted. Now this relationship IS helping me become the best possible person I could imagine, but it’s not my mate who is magically causing this to happen. It is the relationship. Just like every relationship and experience helps you grow to become a better person, this one is helping me grow too.

If you are looking to understand yourself better and how you might be sabotaging your own relationships, check out these programs: Natural & Lasting Attraction, Cocky Comedy & Other Conversational Skills, Find Your Passion for Singles, Everything You Need to Find Real Love

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