Relationships

As we approach Valentines Day, many of us start focusing on our relationships, or lack thereof. It is my wish that all of you reading this have a loving and healthy relationship in your life. But even loving and healthy relationships need our special attention from time to time. Relationships are dynamic, constantly changing. They must be tended to daily, and we must be flexible enough to shift and change along with them. I wanted to share with you some relationship advice that Dr. Laura Berman details in her audio program, Guide to a Loving Relationship. The “soft addictions” portion surprised me and I realized this was something that I needed to work on. The technological innovations that permanently connect us to the outside world are amazing, but they can get in the way of being present with the people we love.

Dr. Berman advises: ·

• Never go more than two weeks without having sex. Having sex regularly keeps you more emotionally in tune, more connected, you get angry less easily, and you fight less often. It’s also great for your immune system and your health. ·
  
• One key to keeping your relationship strong is making sure you take time to create your own life, what psychologists call “individuation.” Make sure that you have your own friends, your own hobbies, and your own life. While it’s very important to spend time with your partner, you also need to find time for yourself.
  
• Soft addictions (such as blackberries, video games, shopping) get in the way of intimacy between partners. National research shows that partners who spend more than an hour every evening tending to their soft addictions have significantly less sex than those who don’t. · When men and women experience stress, they respond to sex differently. Men fall into a “fight flight” response, which increases their adrenaline and makes them want to have sex to let off steam and feel more powerful. Woman fall into a “tend and befriend” response, which lowers their testosterone levels (the hormone of desire) causing them a lowering of libido. If you’re aware of this difference, you can be more sensitive to your partners’ needs.

How do you keep your relationship healthy? We would love to hear from you! Please add your comment below.